On Disappointment

Hiya, guys.  Yesterday sucked.  Plain and simple.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that it looked like we were going to be moving soon.  Well, that's not happening. 

Basically, a couple of weeks ago, the boyfriend's mom was laid off.  She came to us, very worried that she would no longer be able to make ends meet and proposing that we find a house we could share.  The sooner the better. 

Before any of this happened, I was Ms. Contented Where She Lives.  I really love our duplex - it's in a great neighborhood, right across the street from my son's school where we absolutely love everyone, I walk to work, it's not looking like such a hot mess anymore as projects are finally getting wrapped up, etc., etc., etc. 

But family is family.  You do what you need to do.  So we started looking.

It was all very surreal, actually.  Because my mother-in-law (I call her that even though the in-law part is not actually legal) pays quite a bit for her current rental, when you combined what we pay with half of what she currently pays, we were looking at McMansions.  The first house we liked was 2700+ sq. ft. - which was kind of laughable really.  I would have felt like such a poser living there.  (Not bashing people with big houses.  I'd take it any day.  It's just such a giant leap from our compact duplex to a place so enormous.)  Then, we found what I thought was a perfect house - smaller (2000+ sq. ft.) and therefore less upkeep, but laid out in wings so that we had our own sections of the house and wouldn't be stepping all over each other.  Completely redone with bells and whistles galore.

I made a house tour video for the blog.  I went crazy on Pinterest.  It was all so exciting - like new things are.

Then, my mother-in-law changed her mind.  Got cold feet.  Whatever. 

I'm not mad at her.  I'd much rather her change her mind now than after we sign leases or started packing up stuff.  She's kind of an emotional wreck right now and shouldn't really be making big life decisions like picking a new home, anyway.  She thought she needed to, but it looks like she won't have to anymore. 

But I'm still sad and disappointed (like when you wake up from an awesome dream to realize it was all fake), but in a weird way.  I'm relieved.  I don't have to pack or move (which are some of my least favorite things ever).  We're staying in the neighborhood we love, in the house that is home.  I can stop coming up with polite ways to say "your microfiber Ashley furniture is the bane of my existence and needs to be put somewhere other people can't see it."

So - all good things.  However, I'm still kind of sad.  Because for a week there, we were going to pay the exact same amount of money we currently do, but be living in a much, much nicer home.  It made me not-so-content with my current place, which is in turn making me feel violated in a very personal way.  Like my life isn't good enough. 

That is definitely how I do not want to feel.  So, instead, I'm going to focus on the positives until I'm back in my contented zone.  One of the nice things about touring new homes is it makes you rethink and re-evaluate your furniture.  What works, what doesn't, what I'm willing to part with, what has to make the cut.  I feel a new rush of inspiration and the desire to finish decorating spaces (and enjoy them) before we have to move out of it (for real this time).  It might not be a McMansion, but it is pretty special to us.